This is a testimony of a senior at Cornerstone University. It is not my own personal testimony, but my friend gave me permission to republish it.

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I was born to a single mom, after her boyfriend left her
And I asked God if he loved me
I was molested at age 5 by a family friend’s son
And I asked God if he loved me
I found out my dad left because he didn’t want to be a dad
And I asked God if he loved me
My stepdad was very emotionally and slightly physically abusive,
And I asked God if he loved me
I read that good fruit couldn’t come from a bad tree, and viewed pre-marital sex as a very bad tree
So I realized God didn’t love me
At Church they told me to obey God
But I knew he didn’t love me
I was lonely and depressed
and I knew that God didn’t love me
I believed in God’s existence
But I knew that God didn’t love me
I went to a Christian College due to scholarships
But I knew God didn’t love me
My depression got worse seeing others’ love for God and his Love for them
While I knew that God didn’t love me
I found myself on a chair, rope around my neck, ready to die
And one final time, I asked God if he loved me

I sat down in my dorm room weeping
Because God calls me Beloved
I began to change my life
Because God calls me beloved
I want to hate myself for my sin
But God calls me beloved
I accept my brokenness and depression as part of but not all of me
Because God calls me beloved
My biological father didn’t contact me when he said he would
But God calls me beloved
I love my step-dad even when he isn’t perfect and looks down on me
Because God like me, God calls him beloved
I try, and fail, but try nonetheless to show love to all people,
Because God calls us all beloved
I find forgiveness for my failures and need to be ashamed
Because God calls me beloved
I often seek to control God and turn him into a mere academic subject
But God calls me beloved.
And even when I doubt in my heart that I am loved by God
God still calls me Beloved

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